recap of time at home

I feel as though I've been moving non-stop since whenever I last wrote here. I am now all the way to Washington state, but I want to take a moment to reflect on my time at home last week. Updates on Washington will probably come later in the weekend. Because I was home for such a short amount of time (five days), I had to schedule things pretty tightly.

Family


I started off visiting Ben in Portsmouth. It was really good getting to spend some time with him; I honestly can't tell you when the last time I spent with him alone was. But he showed off the town, and we got smoothies. And we had a chance to really talk to each other, and try to get a feel for where we are in our lives. It was really fun. I think we the siblings have gotten to an age where we need to consciously work to maintain our relationships. Things are always so busy, it's hard to do that. But it's important. I hope our family will always remain friends. And I'm glad that, so far at least, we have.

~~~

Right at the beginning of the week, my aunt Lesley passed away. While she's been sick for a while, we all thought we had a little more time with her. Dad and I went down on Thursday for her memorial service at her church and the funeral. Something I noticed about the ceremony was that despite the sorrow at losing her, there truly was present a spirit of celebration of her life. She had made a number of specific requests for the ceremony, and the entire ceremony felt truly like a gift to her, a thank you, rather than a condolence to her family (though it was that, as well). It was a beautiful ceremony.

I loved how down to earth my Aunt Lesley was. She was one of the members of my family who I felt really understood me intuitively. Other members try and maybe even succeed, but she didn't even seem to have to try. She just already understood, and was supportive, celebrating my successes with me when I saw her. And she lived such a full life, making a meaningful impact in people's lives at home, through her work as a teacher, through her service at her church, and even through her hobby, clogging, which she coached (directed? organized?).

When I arrived, I was informed that I was actually to be part of the ceremony. She had asked that her nephews be represented in her pallbearers, and as I was the only nephew there from Mom's side of the family, I was given the honor and responsibility to represent my family. As we were preparing to carry her to the hearse, I wrote down a note:

"This service I render is not my own. It is a gift from my family, and to it, and to she whom we honor."

As I am continuing to try to wrap my mind around substantive meanings of community (ideas we started discussing in Belize, through the works of people like Wendell Berry, and also through study of Old Testament through a communal lens, and that I have read and reflected about elsewhere since then), it is meaningful to me to remember that even though I had a personal relationship with my aunt, that's not why I was chosen. Instead, I was called to serve as the representative of my family. I was chosen for this role. In a way this affirmed me to serve in this way. I felt as though I truly belonged in this family, to be able serve it in this way.


Friends

I did have the chance to see several of my friends while I was home. It was bizarre how differently each interaction was. It had been two years since I'd been home, more or less, and with some people, it was easy to believe that time had passed. With others, it felt as though no time had passed at all. And still others were people I hadn't seen in much longer, and I couldn't believe I had allowed so much time to pass. And yet we changed--we've all of us changed. Some of these changes I think were in ways that fit together, perhaps even better than when we knew each other before. I also realized that different relationship fit together in different ways. While I may love someone dearly, I won't be able to relate to everyone on the same level. I think this week was one where I discovered new places where I could relate on a deeper level than I expected, and with others I realized I probably wouldn't be able to connect as deeply as I had hoped. Still, even those relationships are precious to me.

There are just so many ways I was edified by this trip home. But they all were wrapped around in feeling like this place--with my family, with my friends--is a place where I belong. Some parts of returning home were hard, knowing that I could not stay longer, that I can only make slight progress to help my family there, to build my relationships further there. But ultimately, this time was a time of cathartic healing.